Greece Turns to Greek

Tony Clement Please Go Home

Sep 27th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: News

Unable to imagine any further solutions to its deepening financial crisis, the Government of Greece has turned to a Greek Cypriot living in Canada for help.  The Greeks are asking that Anthony Panayi, a confidence artist operating in Canada under the alias “Tony Clement”, come to Athens to assist them.

“This Tony Panayi, he is a slick one, ” said a spokesperson with a difficult to pronounce name speaking for the Greek finance minister, another difficult to pronounce name. “He is cutting programs and spending all around the country while at the same time funneling money back to his own riding.   This is the sort of solution that Greece is looking for. We’re all about getting things through the back door like that.”

alias "Tony Clement"

“Our current fiscal problems are not insurmountable,” said the aide seeking oracular enlightenment in the guts of a sheep. “We just need someone who can read this liver,” he said holding up the organ. “Anthony Panayi could be our man. He is, how do you say, “Greecey”?”

While Panayi’s misappropriation of public funds is well known he has managed to avoid prosecution through his association with a shady and reputedly powerful underworld organization known as, ” The Conservative Party of Muskoka” or “The Pork (souvlaki) Gang”. Panayi sits in the House of Commons but is cagey and elusive, letting lackeys and lieutenants of his sordid outfit answer questions for him so as not to be implicated in his many scams.

-with files by Paul Moth

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