Harper Homebody

Wears special belt to control impulse

Sep 7th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

Saying the Prime Minister is a supreme being whose mind has no need of expanding, the PMO dismissed Wikileak documents revealing that Canadian Prime Minister Steve Harper does not like to travel.

“He’d be among fellow travelers and that’s bad enough,” said spokespinner Dunning Kruger. “He’s a guy who likes to work  late at the office and then go home to his bed next to the furnace in the basement.”

Mulroney Era Privy Councilor

Officials denied that the Prime Minister is avoiding junkets so as not to put himself in the way of temptation.  The Prime Minister is known to have foreign toilet fetish and has, on number of occasions, locked himself in the loo during meetings with international leaders. “Nothing to do with the toity issue,” said Kruger. “He wears a special punishment belt to control that now.”

The PMO would neither confirm or deny that they keep Jason Kenney nearby, ready to assume power, should Harper again lock himself in a water closet for a protracted period.  “You see Jason lurking around the Mens Room and there’s some big conspiracy, get over yourself.”

“You guys are just manufacturing a story here,” said Kruger.”Besides, there’s no place like home.  Just a few days ago the Prime Minister got to see a new Canadian NHL franchise dressed in military colours.  Good Olde Canada is your leader’s happy place.”

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