Tar Sands to Become New Canadian Province

Big Oil Separatist Bid Approved by HARPER GOVERNMENT of Canada

Sep 14th, 2011 | By Carl Johnson | Category: Featured

URNews has learned that the HARPER GOVERNMENT of Canada will support a bid to make the tar sands a Canadian province.  The new province, to be called Athabasco, will be governed by a consortium of oil companies led by BP, Mobil, and Exxon.

Surprisingly, both the people and the government of Alberta support the separatist move.  Fritz Mueller, a  spokesgrupenkommander for Alberta Reichspremier Ed Stelmach, noted that the royalty regime gifted in perpetuity to the oil companies by previous Conservative governments was so low that Alberta wasn’t really receiving any revenues from the tar sands anyway.  “With the oil sands becoming a different province, now we can think about screwing big oil by taxing the pipelines that have to pass through Alberta to get to the US.”

The consensus on the streets of Calgary was that this was probably the best chance the people of Alberta had of avoiding going to hell.

The HARPER GOVERNMENT of Canada’s Minister of Resource Splenetics, Rock Kent noted that it made perfect sense for Athabasco to gain provincial status.  “The area currently slated for tar sands development is bigger than most provinces and has a higher GDP, while its people have long endured persecution and derogatory remarks from Alberta’s democratic and environmental regime.”

A high-powered team of former oil company lawyers currently working for the HARPER GOVERNMENT of Canada are reportedly preparing a Supreme Court brief arguing that the Canadian constitution allows for corporations to hold office, and for provinces to be publicly traded entities.

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