Western Believership Rejects Hudak

Ontario too near eastern limit of earth

Sep 6th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Politics

Following its victory in the British Columbia H.S.T. referendum Western Believership Front spokesman Jackson Holstyn says they have rejected Ontario Conservative Party leader Timmy Hudak’s petition for an endorsement.  “A core of our believership is that radical empiricism is an eastern phenomena and Timmy, while he is strongly against facts, still comes from a place a little close to the edge of the earth for us.”

"Always wear a rubber!"

The Western Believership movement rejects facts as a tyranny used to stop people from having faith in what they choose to believe. “Those pointy heads from out east just throw these facts in your face,” said Holstyn, “I even nibble on a banana and my wrists and ankles swell up.  And my great great grandfather was supposed to be a monkey? I don’t think so.”

Western Believership’s adherence to economic principles now being discarded by mainstream thinkers are thought to be a large part of the movement’s appeal to voters who don’t wish to think too hard about the issues. “A tax is a tax,” said Holstyn. “still comes outta the piggy bank.”

Despite growing popularity Western Believership says it will concentrate, for now, on regional issues in Canada’s west.  There are no plans to run candidates in any future Federal contests. “There would be a conflict, because faith-based politicians are right in with the Harper Government.  On crime Vic Toews is definitely putting what he feels ahead of what some egghead says he can prove with numbers.”

Western Believership argues that, with regards to prisons, “if you build them, they will come”.  Holstyn stated that the organizations view on crime and punishment wasn’t as simple as some critics claimed. “The new super prisons could be rigged to work like fly traps,” he said. “We could put like a bunch of drugs and bags of loot inside, just the other side of a big hidden trap door.  The hoodlums would come in, go through the door and we got ’em … or something like that.  I just know it will work.”

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