The Minister’s Transport

Open palanquins, dwarf bearers, Peter MacKay moves in mysterious ways

Oct 4th, 2011 | By Heber Dolphy | Category: Politics

Defense Minister MacKay in the House of Commons Thursday. Not shown: the six grain-fed dwarves who carry him around Parliament.

Defense Minister Peter MacKay, already battling criticism over his profligate use of government jets, has come under fresh attacks for seemingly expensive and imperial ways while conducting ministerial business.

While fellow minister John Baird was roundly condemned recently for printing gold-embossed business cards, MacKay has apparently been using cards made from carbon nanotubes with his initials embossed in Tritium. But it is his means of transport that is raising the most eyebrows. The Minister is regularly seen being taken from the Department of National Defense building to the Langevin Bloc in Ottawa in an open palanquin borne by highly trained female ninjas. In the tight confines of the Parliament buildings, MacKay is bodily carried around by six grain-fed dwarves with perfect pitch and a penchant for sea shanties.

Officials of the Department of Defense and the Prime Minister’s Office refused to comment on this story, saying only that the Minister was traveling on business aboard a replica of the Hindenburg constructed entirely of the Minister’s business cards.

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