A bit of blood pud­ding should be fine for the Prince of Vampires.

Count Drac­ula, the world’s best known vam­pire, says he “regrets” accept­ing an invi­ta­tion to the house of Free­man Chafe, a New­found­land welder cur­rently unem­ployed.  “I must be invited in,” said Drac­ula, “and with mass media I’m so well known that it rarely hap­pens these days.”

Chafe is reported to have said, “Yes, b’y, Drac­ula, come on in.  Come in to the kitchen’ ya dirty ol’  fuckin’ vam­pire.”  When Chafe’s 14 year old son Orv cau­tioned against beck­on­ing Nos­fer­atu across the thresh­old of their Petty Har­bour home, Chafe claimed fear of the Tran­syl­van­ian mon­ster was not mer­ited. “A bit of blood pud­ding and he’ll be alright.”

At one point dur­ing the visit, Chafe is alleged to have passed out in his chair.   Drac­ula attempted to drink his host’s blood but found  it utterly unpalat­able.  “It is not blood but a mix­ture of brine and alco­hol.”  Wak­ing with Drac­ula at his neck, Chafe is alleged to have shouted, “Get away from me, you fuckin’ queer!” Soon after and con­fi­dent no one was about, Chafe con­fessed to being “some­what queer” him­self and invited Drac­ula to join him in a sex act. “They said ol’ Draccy was a blood­sucker, but I didn’t catch their pre­cise mean­ing. Besides, I’d bend over back­wards to make a vis­i­tor feel at home in New­found­land. And the tourists gets right crooked if they don’t see an ice­berg or a whale or have sex they later regret with a local.”

The Count, evi­dently not accus­tomed to this type of hos­pi­tal­ity, demurred. “I only attended Chafe’s table because the weather con­di­tions allow­ing depar­ture do not favour me. We do know fog in Tran­syl­va­nia, but the New­found­land ver­sion would make your blood run cold, if you had any.”

- with files by Paul Moth and Heber Dolphy

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