The European Debt Crisis

Explained.

Nov 6th, 2011 | By Heber Dolphy | Category: Featured

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The URNews Infographic above illustrates how you, the reader of this article, will bear the full burden of the international financial crisis and how your scant resources will be  pillaged systematicallly to insure the banks who issued bad loans will always profit.

“The interesting thing about our analysis,” said URNews Economics/Sports Reporter “Dismal” Dean Youngman, “is that it shows the central role played by ‘Raoul’ in this scam being run by governments and the banks.”  ‘Raoul’ is Raoul O’Leary, a Dayton, Ohio man said — cryptically — to be a “Guatemalan of Newfoundland origin” who has been used by the banks to funnel public money into their vaults.  “Raoul is legend in banking circles,” said Youngman, “he is the world’s very worst credit risk.”

“I gamble and I have a number of addictions,” said Raoul through an interpreter/lawyer, “but that’s peanuts to what I’ve lost on my RRSPs”

Records reveal that despite O’Leary’s certain failure to pay back money he has borrowed, he has been continually treated with financial respect by a consortium of international banks who have loaned him Scrooge McDuck-sized bags of other people’s money.

“If the banks want to lend money that they will be able to later recover when Governments socialize the losses through bailouts, they cannot always turn to deadbeat countries like Greece or Italy,” Youngman explained, “there’s only a handful of such gigantic basket cases. That’s where Raoul comes in. If he were a country his debt to GDP ratio would be 400 to 1.”

O’Leary did concede that things had been kind of quiet at his pornographic stencil business.  “Seemed like a winner at the time,” said Raoul.

The bum loans were said to have been facilitated by unnamed officials of the IMF and an operative most widely know as “That Scary Guy At the End Of The Bar.”  When questioned about his part in the international financial fiasco The Scary Guy said, “I don’t fucking know you and I don’t fucking know Raoul. If you fucking ask me that fucking question again, then I will be fucking forced to fuck you in the eye.”

Sensing the big guy meant it URNews felt the time was not right to ask a follow-up question about The Scary Guy’s new position with MF Global.

 

 

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