Peter Kent Poster Boy for Biosphere Destruction

Dope dubbed "Durban Douchebag"

Dec 6th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Science and Technology

"Woo hoo! Go Tar Sands!"

No one in the Harper Central Command will confirm it but urNews is reporting that Canada’s Minister of Ethical Oil and Asbestos, Peter Kent, had his conscience surgically removed in preparation for his humiliating performance at the Durban Climate Changes Conference.  The procedure is said to have been performed at a secret Harper Government facility that will be a prototype for the coming six tier health care system. “The Gatineau Super Hospital is a model for tier one health care,” said an unnamed official. “It will provide services to the super rich and cabinet ministers.” “Minister Kent’s conscience was very small and was easily removed without the use of a general anaesthetic,” said the official.

Kent had only been considered cabinet material because of the very small size of his conscience and because of his inability to form opinions on his own. “Steve liked him because he did what he was told without thinking about it.  That might have been good enough in the domestic arena, telling Canadians what they wanted to hear about tar sands and asbestos.  But in the international spot light, defending policies that make the Chinese look progressive? Nyaaah, it was thought even tiny amounts of vestigial morality were a risk.”

Post-op Peter Kent

Almost none of the Harper cabinet have a significant conscience.  Peter Mackay, Tony Clement, John Baird and Bev Oda were all born without one. Narcoleptic backbencher Rob Anders was subject of a conscience implant but his body rejected it.

“Common sense,” said the official, “that’s another characteristic the PM doesn’t like to see in his government. We’re working on some cutting edge medical responses to that, too.”

-with files by Paul Moth and Heber Dolphy

Share this!