Peter Kent To Be Retrained

Fort Mac or bust

Jun 8th, 2012 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured

Quiet. The Minister is trying to think.

Minister of Human Resources and Skills Development Diane Finley has announced that Peter Kent, Minister of Environment will be retrained as a Pipe Fitter.

“We have a skills crisis in this country,” said Finley, “and because we have failed to invest in education for years retraining is a necessary part of the picture.”

Canada, and particularly that part of the country under the control of Petroleum Industry Multinationals, is experiencing a shortage of  workers skilled in the trades and a surfeit of “university-educated pansies who are afraid of physical labour”.

Serving the oil companies without them having to respond fairly to demands of the labour market will mean forced retraining and the massive shift of population from Ontario to Northern Alberta.

“The most northerly settlement in Ontario is the remote native community of Pickle Lake at 51 degrees north,” explained an anonymous Government spokesstooge. “Fort Mac is up around 57 degrees north, southern Ontario isn’t going there willingly.”

Peter Kent was chosen for retraining because as Minister of Environment for Canada he is redundant.

Asked for comment, Minister Kent said he had no idea what people were talking about … again.

Prime Minister Harper, speaking from a nice hotel room in Paris said, “Pete’s going whether he likes it or not. If he doesn’t retrain then he can clean toilets.”

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