Conservatives Stand With PQ
Canada an expensive pain in the assAug 27th, 2012 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured
In the latest in a series of ill-advised op-ed pieces in The Globe and Mail Tom “Firewall” Flanagan has clarified that Conservatives stand with the Parti Quebecois in the devolution of Canadian federal powers to the provinces.
“Tommy’s only saying there will be no need to separate from Canada once Steve’s done with it,” said Conservative Corporate liaison Dunning Kruger. “Nothing wrong with that other than saying it out loud.”
Flanagan was correcting false assumptions made by columnist John Ibbitson that a battle between Federal and Quebec Governments over jurisdictions such as Employment and Culture could precipitate another referendum on sovereignty. Flanagan says Canada’s Still New Government would have no problem downloading whatever it could to the provinces.
“Despite having written it, Steve reeeeeally regrets signing the Alberta Firewall Letter,” said Kruger. “Canadians don’t want to be reminded that their Prime Minister is not a huge fan of the country.”
Conservatives are also said to be worried that a year without televised NHL hockey could wake many Canadians from their slumber. “Tommy’s timing was, as usual, the shits,” said Kruger. “Sometimes I think he’s just jealous ’cause Steve found a way out of Calgary.”
Why the Parti Quebecois would favour devolution of powers is a mystery as it would only benefit so-called “have” provinces like Alberta and Newfoundland and Labrador. “The Conservative/PQ platform,” said Kruger, “Yeah, would basically fuck Quebec and Ontario in the eye.”
Kruger laughs at suggestions of an Axis of the East, that Quebec and Ontario may seek common cause against the Federal Government. “That is rich! Oh my … ah ha ha ha ha. Short answer, no. Never in a million years would those two be together on anything. Not voluntarily,” Kruger added with a wink and a finger to his nose.