Liberals Go Dumb
Mimbo last hope for dying partyOct 3rd, 2012 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Lead Article
Reversing the disastrous course taken by drafting the academic Michael Ignatieff to lead their Party, a bunch of old Liberal hacks have decided to roll the dice and “go dumb” with the son of a former Prime Minister and nice haircut Justin Trudeau. “The Conservatives have had some success with real morons,” said Liberal Party official Hubert Kickback. “Look at Peter Mackay. And tell me if Peter Kent’s I.Q. breaks the double digits.”
Political analysts put the percentage of congenital idiots in the Canadian population at around 37%, although this number excludes cretins and morons. “Even if we took half the dopes and numbskulls from the Tories, that would put us at … wait I need a calculator,” said Kickback.
Supporters of Mr. Trudeau have also pointed to the success of Barack Obama in the United States, winning an election with vague notions like “Hope” and “Belief”. Mr. Trudeau is urging Liberals to “Trust” that he is at least able to put on a pair of trousers.
The big-toothed, boneheaded Trudeau is also seen as a clear contrast to NDP leader Thomas Mulcair. “Mulcair is kind of dumpy and charmless, only coming to life when talking about policy and ideas,” said Kickback. “Justin looks great and hasn’t had an idea yet.”
URNews political analyst Wells O’Coyne worries that The Liberals are making a fatal miscalculation. “To think that Ignatieff had any sort of smarts because he came from Harvard is a huge mistake. He wasn’t much smarter than Justin. He had nice hair, too.”