Have you ever committed a "Microduffy"?

Another great Canadian contribution to social science

May 16th, 2013 | By Heber Dolphy | Category: Politics


GENEVA – Political Scientists believe they are close to codifying a system of measurement for public corruption. At an international symposium here Wednesday, they have voted to name the prime unit of corruption after Canadian Senator Mike Duffy.

“The great thing about the Duffy is that it is so measurable,” said Dr. Felix Graves, chair of the nomenclature committee. “His malfeasance is minor, really – cheating on expense claims – but the quantity of funds is pretty well known and the involvement of and motives of other government officials pretty clear.”

“I mean, no one – not even Conservatives – believes a word of the spin they’re trying to put on this. So our confidence in the facts of the scandal is very high.”

The following chart is a draft adopted at the symposium for scientifically measuring public corruption:

Microduffy A public employee at any level steals copier paper and staplers
Milliduffy A public official pulls some strings to get preferential treatment for a pal.
Centiduffy Government officials attempt to bribe an independent MP in exchange for his vote.
Duffy A public official illegally obtains cash through creative but false interpretation of rules.
Kiloduffy A regional police chief on the take from local gangsters.
Megaduffy An entire municipal political apparatus is corrupt (see Montreal). Alternatively, a federal minister diverts millions of tax dollars to his district for useless and wasteful projects
Gigaduffy An entire political jurisdiction is compromised by graft and fear (see Quebec). Alternatively, an entire government apparatus is enlisted to serve partisan and ideological purposes instead of the public interest. (see Canada)
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public interest. (see Canada)
Teraduffy The Entire political apparatus of a country exists to enrich one person and a handful of cronies. (See Ferdinand Marcos, Robert Mugabe)
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