Calgary Wind-Up Moved Ahead

Aug 2nd, 2015 | By Coco Cabrera | Category: Featured, Lead Article, Politics
Artist's conception of Calgary after the last lights are turned off.

Artist’s conception of Calgary after the last lights are turned off.

Long standing plans to wind-up the temporary city of Calgary have been moved ahead by more than a decade because of the collapse of the Alberta oil industry.

“Calgary was always a short-term proposition,” says Arnold Sunderland of the Federal Government’s secretive Division of The Plan. “There was never going to be any water for the place once the Bow Glacier melted away, so there was natural limit on its duration.”

The Bow River is Calgary’s only source of water, if it were to run dry there is no viable alternative. “You’d need a pipeline,” says Sunderland, “and that’s a spend that’s hard to justify if the city no longer has an economic reason to exist.”

Calgary has long served as a headquarters for Canada’s once booming and now essentially bankrupt carbon industry.

“Nobody knows why the town was here before Big Oil,” observes local resident Mark Easy. “I suppose the Stampede means  … but how many people do you need to ranch? I made a lot of money in the oil business and I’m not even sure what exactly it was I did. Like most Calgarians I own a cowboy hat but I don’t know how to ride a horse.  Besides, they make me sneeze.”  Cattle ranching was once a cornerstone of the Alberta economy but climate change caused by hydrocarbons has resulted in a permanent drought condition that makes grazing impossible.

Climate change is hastening the disappearance of the Bow Glacier but it was still set to provide adequate water to Calgary for several decades.  The unforeseen obliteration of the energy sector is merely advancing a plan to evacuate and raze the city.

Residents will be encouraged to move west to British Columbia to work in low wage service jobs. “Wealthy Chinese in flight from that country’s toxic air will need a lot of servants,” says Sunderland, “and where most of the particulate fouling China’s air comes from carbon it’s really sort of rational.”

Other Calgarians expect to go north to the frozen outpost of Edmonton to be mocked or east to live in refugee camps in Ontario.

Most of Calgary’s new office towers and homes were made of such poor materials and to such low standards that they only have little or no value for reuse or recycling.

“Calgary had a good run,” says Sunderland. “They never made anything there, and there was never much of a indigenous culture.  Who will really miss it?”

Share this!