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In Ontario, Mr. Bean Prepares Campaign

Apr 4th, 2014 | By Heber Dolphy


Canada Celebrates Stupidity

Oct 15th, 2013 | By Coco Cabrera
Canada Celebrates Stupidity

In a move crit­i­cized as pan­der­ing to vot­ers and “dol­lar store retail pol­i­tics” the speech from the throne will focus on dumb Cana­di­ans. “This is merely rec­og­niz­ing a social real­ity, ” said Unof­fi­cial Spoke­sthingy and Sup­ple­men­tal Elec­toral Spend­ing Ober­grup­pen­führer Dun­ning Kruger, “and I dare the oppo­si­tion to get up on their hind legs and try to deny stu­pid cit­i­zens the rights enjoyed by pointy headed book-learned elites.” Among the leg­isla­tive ini­tia­tives aimed squarely at the wit­less Canucks are consumer […]



Liberals Go Dumb

Oct 3rd, 2012 | By Coco Cabrera
Liberals Go Dumb

Revers­ing the dis­as­trous course taken by draft­ing the aca­d­e­mic Michael Ignati­eff to lead their Party, a bunch of old Lib­eral hacks have decided to roll the dice and “go dumb” with the son of a for­mer Prime Min­is­ter and nice hair­cut Justin Trudeau.  “The Con­ser­v­a­tives have had some suc­cess with real morons,”  said Lib­eral Party offi­cial Hubert Kick­back. “Look at Peter Mackay. And tell me if Peter Kent’s I.Q. breaks the dou­ble dig­its.” Polit­i­cal ana­lysts put the […]



URNEWS ON EXTENDED HIATUS

Dec 19th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera

URNews Offices are closed until fur­ther notice.



Mackay Bananas

Dec 15th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera
Mackay Bananas


CBC at 75

Nov 2nd, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera
CBC at 75

FIRST PUBLISHED DECEMBER 9, 2010 At 75 years of age,the CBC has become for­get­ful and some­times con­fused, forc­ing the Harper gov­ern­ment to con­front tough deci­sions about its care. “It still thinks it can make pro­grams and broad­cast but it’s old and very tired,” said Toronto media ana­lyst Linda Scott. “Last week it thought it was fart­ing but pooped in its pants a lit­tle.” The episode embar­rassed both the dod­der­ing old CBC and the Gov­ern­ment. “The Gov­ern­ment is in […]



URNews Endorses

Apr 29th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera
URNews Endorses

Democ­racy, the big “D.” It is all about the rep­re­sen­ta­tion of the peo­ple, through their fran­chise, in the Gov­ern­ment of the land.  The legit­i­mate vic­tor in the cur­rent con­test should be the one that best reflects Canada.  So before we endorse one can­di­date or another, let us take account of just who and what Canada is at this moment. Canada is pros­per­ous because it is thinly pop­u­lated and chock-o-block with nat­ural resources. Our econ­omy isn’t […]



urNews election pie chart

Apr 18th, 2011 | By Heber Dolphy
urNews election pie chart


Ignatieff out 2–4 weeks with Concussion

Apr 12th, 2011 | By Carl Johnson
Ignatieff out 2–4 weeks with Concussion

On the verge of going “mano a mano” with his arch-rival, Evil Steve Harper, the Toronto Lib­er­als’ star player, Michael Ignati­eff has been forced to pull out of the con­test after fuzzi­ness of thought and starry eyes that doc­tors diag­nosed as post-concussion symp­toms.   The prob­lems became vis­i­ble over the week­end dur­ing work­outs with his spar­ring part­ner, Bobby Rae Daze at the Lib­eral train­ing facil­ity in Eto­bi­coke where Ignati­eff was prepar­ing for the show­down with Harper. “There […]



New Improved Harperbot Surfaces

Apr 7th, 2011 | By Coco Cabrera
New Improved Harperbot Surfaces

The smile of the orig­i­nal robot was never con­vinc­ing and broke down com­pletely just before the cur­rent elec­tion was called.