In a move criticized as pandering to voters and “dollar store retail politics” the speech from the throne will focus on dumb Canadians. “This is merely recognizing a social reality, ” said Unofficial Spokesthingy and Supplemental Electoral Spending Obergruppenführer Dunning Kruger, “and I dare the opposition to get up on their hind legs and try to deny stupid citizens the rights enjoyed by pointy headed book-learned elites.” Among the legislative initiatives aimed squarely at the witless Canucks are consumer […]
Reversing the disastrous course taken by drafting the academic Michael Ignatieff to lead their Party, a bunch of old Liberal hacks have decided to roll the dice and “go dumb” with the son of a former Prime Minister and nice haircut Justin Trudeau. “The Conservatives have had some success with real morons,” said Liberal Party official Hubert Kickback. “Look at Peter Mackay. And tell me if Peter Kent’s I.Q. breaks the double digits.” Political analysts put the […]
URNews Offices are closed until further notice.
FIRST PUBLISHED DECEMBER 9, 2010 At 75 years of age,the CBC has become forgetful and sometimes confused, forcing the Harper government to confront tough decisions about its care. “It still thinks it can make programs and broadcast but it’s old and very tired,” said Toronto media analyst Linda Scott. “Last week it thought it was farting but pooped in its pants a little.” The episode embarrassed both the doddering old CBC and the Government. “The Government is in […]
Democracy, the big “D.” It is all about the representation of the people, through their franchise, in the Government of the land. The legitimate victor in the current contest should be the one that best reflects Canada. So before we endorse one candidate or another, let us take account of just who and what Canada is at this moment. Canada is prosperous because it is thinly populated and chock-o-block with natural resources. Our economy isn’t […]
On the verge of going “mano a mano” with his arch-rival, Evil Steve Harper, the Toronto Liberals’ star player, Michael Ignatieff has been forced to pull out of the contest after fuzziness of thought and starry eyes that doctors diagnosed as post-concussion symptoms. The problems became visible over the weekend during workouts with his sparring partner, Bobby Rae Daze at the Liberal training facility in Etobicoke where Ignatieff was preparing for the showdown with Harper. “There […]
The smile of the original robot was never convincing and broke down completely just before the current election was called.
“It’s just been too much for our crack team to handle,” said URNews Head In Chief Elsworth Lundrigan. “One Harper Government scandal and bungle after another, and the opposition parties looking on from the sidelines.” Owing to a recent surfeit of mockable material URNews will be on a brief, temporary hiatus in order that its team can be rested in preparation for the looming Federal Election. The final straw came this past weekend with Stockwell Day’s announcement […]