GENEVA — Polit­i­cal Sci­en­tists believe they are close to cod­i­fy­ing a sys­tem of mea­sure­ment for pub­lic cor­rup­tion. At an inter­na­tional sym­po­sium here Wednes­day, they have voted to name the prime unit of cor­rup­tion after Cana­dian Sen­a­tor Mike Duffy. “The great thing about the Duffy is that it is so mea­sur­able,” said Dr. Felix Graves, chair of the nomen­cla­ture com­mit­tee. “His malfea­sance is minor, really — cheat­ing on expense claims — but the quan­tity of funds is pretty well […]

Revers­ing the dis­as­trous course taken by draft­ing the aca­d­e­mic Michael Ignati­eff to lead their Party, a bunch of old Lib­eral hacks have decided to roll the dice and “go dumb” with the son of a for­mer Prime Min­is­ter and nice hair­cut Justin Trudeau.  “The Con­ser­v­a­tives have had some suc­cess with real morons,”  said Lib­eral Party offi­cial Hubert Kick­back. “Look at Peter Mackay. And tell me if Peter Kent’s I.Q. breaks the dou­ble dig­its.” Polit­i­cal ana­lysts put the […]

URNews Offices are closed until fur­ther notice.

FIRST PUBLISHED DECEMBER 9, 2010 At 75 years of age,the CBC has become for­get­ful and some­times con­fused, forc­ing the Harper gov­ern­ment to con­front tough deci­sions about its care. “It still thinks it can make pro­grams and broad­cast but it’s old and very tired,” said Toronto media ana­lyst Linda Scott. “Last week it thought it was fart­ing but pooped in its pants a lit­tle.” The episode embar­rassed both the dod­der­ing old CBC and the Gov­ern­ment. “The Gov­ern­ment is in […]

Democ­racy, the big “D.” It is all about the rep­re­sen­ta­tion of the peo­ple, through their fran­chise, in the Gov­ern­ment of the land.  The legit­i­mate vic­tor in the cur­rent con­test should be the one that best reflects Canada.  So before we endorse one can­di­date or another, let us take account of just who and what Canada is at this moment. Canada is pros­per­ous because it is thinly pop­u­lated and chock-o-block with nat­ural resources. Our econ­omy isn’t […]

On the verge of going “mano a mano” with his arch-rival, Evil Steve Harper, the Toronto Lib­er­als’ star player, Michael Ignati­eff has been forced to pull out of the con­test after fuzzi­ness of thought and starry eyes that doc­tors diag­nosed as post-concussion symp­toms.   The prob­lems became vis­i­ble over the week­end dur­ing work­outs with his spar­ring part­ner, Bobby Rae Daze at the Lib­eral train­ing facil­ity in Eto­bi­coke where Ignati­eff was prepar­ing for the show­down with Harper. “There […]

The smile of the orig­i­nal robot was never con­vinc­ing and broke down com­pletely just before the cur­rent elec­tion was called.

“It’s just been too much for our crack team to han­dle,” said URNews Head In Chief Elsworth Lun­dri­gan. “One Harper Gov­ern­ment scan­dal and bun­gle after another, and the oppo­si­tion par­ties look­ing on from the side­lines.”  Owing to a recent sur­feit of mock­able mate­r­ial URNews will be on a brief, tem­po­rary hia­tus in order that its team can be rested in prepa­ra­tion for the loom­ing Fed­eral Elec­tion. The final straw came this past week­end with Stock­well Day’s announcement […]