URNews Offices are closed until fur­ther notice.

FIRST PUBLISHED DECEMBER 9, 2010 At 75 years of age,the CBC has become for­get­ful and some­times con­fused, forc­ing the Harper gov­ern­ment to con­front tough deci­sions about its care. “It still thinks it can make pro­grams and broad­cast but it’s old and very tired,” said Toronto media ana­lyst Linda Scott. “Last week it thought it was fart­ing but pooped in its pants a lit­tle.” The episode embar­rassed both the dod­der­ing old CBC and the Gov­ern­ment. “The Gov­ern­ment is in […]

Democ­racy, the big “D.” It is all about the rep­re­sen­ta­tion of the peo­ple, through their fran­chise, in the Gov­ern­ment of the land.  The legit­i­mate vic­tor in the cur­rent con­test should be the one that best reflects Canada.  So before we endorse one can­di­date or another, let us take account of just who and what Canada is at this moment. Canada is pros­per­ous because it is thinly pop­u­lated and chock-o-block with nat­ural resources. Our econ­omy isn’t […]

On the verge of going “mano a mano” with his arch-rival, Evil Steve Harper, the Toronto Lib­er­als’ star player, Michael Ignati­eff has been forced to pull out of the con­test after fuzzi­ness of thought and starry eyes that doc­tors diag­nosed as post-concussion symp­toms.   The prob­lems became vis­i­ble over the week­end dur­ing work­outs with his spar­ring part­ner, Bobby Rae Daze at the Lib­eral train­ing facil­ity in Eto­bi­coke where Ignati­eff was prepar­ing for the show­down with Harper. “There […]

The smile of the orig­i­nal robot was never con­vinc­ing and broke down com­pletely just before the cur­rent elec­tion was called.

“It’s just been too much for our crack team to han­dle,” said URNews Head In Chief Elsworth Lun­dri­gan. “One Harper Gov­ern­ment scan­dal and bun­gle after another, and the oppo­si­tion par­ties look­ing on from the side­lines.”  Owing to a recent sur­feit of mock­able mate­r­ial URNews will be on a brief, tem­po­rary hia­tus in order that its team can be rested in prepa­ra­tion for the loom­ing Fed­eral Elec­tion. The final straw came this past week­end with Stock­well Day’s announcement […]

FIRST PUBLISHED JANUARY 25, 2011 In a bold move, CBC Tele­vi­sion will give over its entire after­noon sched­ule to right wing huck­ster Kevin O’Leary.  O’Leary is already known to CBC audi­ences as a pan­elist on Dragon’s Den, as one half of the Lang & O’Leary Exchange and for his morn­ing mus­ings on CBC Radio. “Kevin will essen­tially be given free reign to pro­nounce on sub­jects about which he knows very lit­tle, and to just gen­er­ally free-associate” said a masked CBC […]

Orig­i­nally pub­lished Octo­ber 4, 2010. In what is seen by many as a last ditch effort to attract an NHL team to Que­bec City, a sleepy provin­cial back­wa­ter in Canada’s Que­bec Colony, the vil­lage Head Man, Regis Lebeaume has ordered the con­struc­tion of an enor­mous arena made from straw, twigs and mud.  The hope is that NHL teams fly­ing over­head will see the sta­dium and land near the vil­lage to play a game of hockey.  Lebeaume has also offered […]