Almost none of the Harper cab­i­net have a sig­nif­i­cant conscience.

Evi­dence sug­gests ass­hole behav­iour was a selec­tive advantage

Female hosts, or Sun­shine Girls, on Sun TV News do not wear under­gar­ments as they may inter­fere with the trans­mis­sion of right wing ideas from the womb.

“The world and its weather con­di­tions are out to get us,” says the award-winning fore­caster. “The earth is pissed off with what we’ve been doing to it.”

The belief is that the Con­ser­v­a­tive Party will install Probert’s brain in the oth­er­wise empty head of Min­is­ter of Defense Pete McKay

The first pro­posed con­test will see Wat­son defend its title as the smartest machine against an iPhone and a Sony Playsta­tion 4.

“a vast layer of some cloth, or rag, or fab­ric, or mate­r­ial, or … that cov­ered a league, or a fur­long, or sev­eral chains, or arpents, or … at a depth of sev­eral inches, or cen­time­tres, or fin­gers, or …,”

“We can never know enough about ourselves.”

“At the high­est lev­els of con­sump­tion we saw sub­jects achieve a level of impair­ment of 8 on the Duffy Scale, or Con­di­tion Shitfaced.”

A next gen­er­a­tion Apple tablet com­puter, the company’s follow-up to the IPad has been shelved as they pre­pare to intro­duce the iThingy, a com­pre­hen­sive per­sonal util­ity, URNews has learned.