GENEVA — Political Scientists believe they are close to codifying a system of measurement for public corruption. At an international symposium here Wednesday, they have voted to name the prime unit of corruption after Canadian Senator Mike Duffy.

“The great thing about the Duffy is that it is so measurable,” said Dr. Felix Graves, chair of the nomenclature committee. “His malfeasance is minor, really — cheating on expense claims — but the quantity of funds is pretty well known and the involvement of and motives of other government officials pretty clear.”

“I mean, no one — not even Conservatives — believes a word of the spin they’re trying to put on this. So our confidence in the facts of the scandal is very high.”

The following chart is a draft adopted at the symposium for scientifically measuring public corruption:

Shocking photo leaked from Romney campaign campaign headquarters today. The candidate apparently lied when he said he liked Big Bird.

Dumb and dumber.

Reversing the disastrous course taken by drafting the academic Michael Ignatieff to lead their Party, a bunch of old Liberal hacks have decided to roll the dice and “go dumb” with the son of a former Prime Minister and nice haircut Justin Trudeau.  “The Conservatives have had some success with real morons,”  said Liberal Party official Hubert Kickback. “Look at Peter Mackay. And tell me if Peter Kent’s I.Q. breaks the double digits.”

Political analysts put the percentage of congenital idiots in the Canadian population at around 37%, although this number excludes cretins and morons.  “Even if we took half the dopes and numbskulls from the Tories, that would put us at … wait I need a calculator,” said Kickback.

Supporters of Mr. Trudeau have also pointed to the success of Barack Obama in the United States, winning an election with vague notions like “Hope” and “Belief”.  Mr. Trudeau is urging Liberals to “Trust” that he is at least able to put on a pair of trousers.

The big-toothed, boneheaded Trudeau is also seen as a clear contrast to NDP leader Thomas Mulcair.  “Mulcair is kind of dumpy and charmless, only coming to life when talking about policy and ideas,” said Kickback. “Justin looks great and hasn’t had an idea yet.”

URNews political analyst Wells O’Coyne worries that The Liberals are making a fatal miscalculation. “To think that Ignatieff had any sort of smarts because he came from Harvard is a huge mistake.  He wasn’t much smarter than Justin.  He had nice hair, too.”

Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper receives his World Statesman Award from former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger (L) and Rabbi Arthur Schneier at a reception for the Appeal of Conscience Foundation in New York. The brass statuette represents a phallic object violating the planet earth.